Bonum Cursum

I am 36 now. It is that magical age when your body says take it easy and your soul insists it is still young. It is also the time when quiet days start to feel precious. Good food becomes a celebration. And having someone else who can tie your shoelaces suddenly sounds like an excellent life plan.

I have a family and soon we will welcome a new member. I imagine they will be small, loud and unpredictable. In other words, perfectly in line with the rest of my life choices. I feel excitement, a little fear and something new to me. I think this is what adulthood feels like.

Over the years I have gathered many memories. Some are beautiful, others silly, all of them mine. I remember running because it felt healthy and meaningful. It made me feel alive. Today when I run I look more like a person escaping from imaginary danger. I guess it still counts as exercise.

There were days when after a run we would go to an old Chinese restaurant. The kind that never changes. The decor stayed the same for years. The waitress remembered every regular. The tea was always just a little too hot. We sat, we ate, we laughed and I thought those days would last forever.

Now I see friends less often. Not because I stopped caring but because everyone is living their own life. I do not have many friends left and that is fine. The ones who remain are real. With them I can sit in silence and nobody asks if something is wrong. That kind of friendship is rare and comfortable.

Being 36 is not about having everything. It is about seeing what is already here. I have love. I have memories that make me smile. I have a future that is quietly getting ready to arrive.

Am I ready for it? I am not sure. But I have coffee, humor and a bit of experience. And I hope that will be enough.